One on One

Growing up I babysat for a family that at the time had four kids (I think they ended up with six!).  Often when the mom and dad would go out they would choose one kid to go with them  on their date.  At the time that baffled me a little but now I completely get it.  I personally feel like it is so important that kids get one on one time with parents.  It is especially important to carve out individual time when you have lots of children or they are close in age. If there has ever been a situation where kids need alone time it is when they are a twin or part of a multiple birth.  As Andrew and Kate have gotten older Ryan and I have both discussed that we need to be very intentional that they have individual time apart and that they are not always lumped together as "the twins." I  have found that when my kids are alone they really get a chance to talk and they thrive while receiving my full attention.  They are always extremely well behaved and it is a good reminder for me of what amazing kids they can be.  

I have to remind myself at times that a lot of the negative behavior I encounter as a mom is a byproduct of the family situation we are in.  For instance when James was 2 1/2 he got to choose what show he wanted to watch, what music to listen to in the car, and what he wanted for breakfast.  No one came and took his toys and he got to read 10 books that HE chose each night while sitting with Ryan and I.   Now imagine Kate, youngest of four, a twin, at 2 1/2.  Most nights she gets to choose one book and she and her brother compete over who gets to sit in the coveted spot on my lap.  She would love to sit and read 10 books with me but bedtime is often rushed because I have two kids waiting in the wings and to be quite honest, I'm much more exhausted now than I was when James was my only toddler and I really just want everyone in bed so I can sit down! I can barely recall a morning that Kate has chosen her breakfast bc at this point everyone eats the same thing and it's what I have predetermined because to get four kids fed, dressed, and out the door by 7:30 it is the only way that works. Not to mention when you give kids choices it always leads to arguments once one kid gets something that the other doesn't.  My point in all this is that of course Kate is going to have meltdowns at this age that James would have never had for the simple reason that she is forced to share me in ways that he did not.  

I do have to add that when mom guilt creeps in and I feel bad that each child doesn't necessarily get the attention  he or she is craving I remind myself that there are some really wonderful things that can come out of being one of four kids. As a parent it is really hard to teach traits such as patience, kindness, generosity, and  self-sacrifice. One huge benefit is that a lot of these traits are (hopefully!) being taught to my kids out of pure necessity on a daily basis as they grow up in a somewhat large family.  I remember telling my brother once that I really did not want to let Kate be too spoiled since she is the only girl in the family and his reply was, "She is one of four kids Em not to mention a twin. She can't be but so spoiled."  Obviously this is something that Ryan and I still have to be very intentional about but I do think he has a point. 

Okay now that I am off my tangent, since I'm not quite willing to give up my dates with Ryan I am still trying to be more intentional about finding time with each kid alone.  This last month before preschool gets out I took one morning a week to take a kid to breakfast as a special outing.  We had an hour together, no other kids, they got to choose what to eat, and the attention was all focused on them. We had the best time each week and it was so neat to see how excited they were when it was their turn to go. 

First up was Harrison. I told him we could go anywhere for breakfast and the kid chose Sonic! We have probably eaten there a total of twice in his lifetime.  I didn't even know they had breakfast! Just in case you were wondering you CAN order a lemonade and a corn dog at 8 a.m.  I think his favorite part was that when I parked the car he got to come sit in the front seat with me to eat. 

Next up was Kate! I was curious to see how Andrew would do being dropped off at preschool without her but they both seemed to totally understand what was going on.  I looked back at her and she had this little smile on her face like she couldn't believe she had the car to herself, haha! 

We had coupons for free chicken biscuits so we decided to go use those. 

The next week it was time for Andrew.  "It is MY turn" he kept saying that morning. I also thought it was really sweet that when his time was over he looked at me and said, "I need to see my Kate Kate."  With Andrew we went through the Dunkin Donut drive through and got him a donut hole and took coffee to Ryan. 

He has talked a lot about "daddy's office" ever since. 

The office snack room just happened to have this huge cookie platter. His face lit up when he saw it!

Last but not least James. As a side note I felt as tired as I looked in this picture; it must have been a rough night/morning at our house.  James  REALLY wanted a muffin from the bagel store plus chicken minis so...we went to both. I basically had to convince him that it was okay for him to go to school tardy- he is such a rule follower!
 I loved each of my one on one mornings!  It will be hard to do this summer but hopefully we can keep being intentional about carving that time out.